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02 June 2012 @ 07:44 pm
Deep thoughts, and a not so deep one  
Not so deep:
I turned on the radio and it was Joan Baez singing "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down." Oli is listening with me, and she sings about "my wife in Tennessee" Oli looks at me and says "So this is a lesbian song? Cool!"

~~~~Deep thought~~~~

Try is the procedural tense for do.

I am trying to write a novel by June 15. The writing is the verb. The trying is the goal. I can't know if I have done until the work is finished.

Do is a funny verb. It works in the imperiative: "Do the dishes."
It works in past tense: "I did the dishes."
It works in theoretical: "I'm doing my homework." (no, you're clearly on LJ)
But there is no NOW formulation of it. Because if you are doing something, you can't be alerting people to that fact, because that is doing something else.

So we try. We put the effort and work into the project. And we only know if we have done once we are done.

~~~~Religious Stuff~~~~

Your Mileage May Vary.

When I was a Christian, I lived in fear.
There was always the fear that I wasn't REALLY saved, that I'd just had an emotional experience and thought I was.
There was always the fear of Hell, that I was going even if I was saved. Because there would be godly men who'd worked miracles that Jesus wouldn't know, and if he didn't know them, what hope did I have for my non-miraculous self? After all, not all who cried "Lord, Lord" would be saved.
There was always the fear of the Rapture, and being left behind (see point A).
There was always the fear that God really did hate me, like my preacher said he did, that I wasn't fighting what I truly was hard enough and that God would give me over to my debased desires. (although how debased I could be at 15 was debateable)
I used the strictest fundamentalism I could find to hold my closet door shut and hide my real self from God.

Now. I have no fear. Because there is nothing to be afraid of.
I ride the Wheel of the Year, celebrating each season in its turning.
There may be one God, like some of my friends believe.
There may be many, like some of my grove believe.
Or there may be none at all, and gods are just focusing devices we use to harness our own energy to do things we never thought we could, as I believe.

I am a religious woman. Ritual and celebration are important to me, because it gives me a way to mark off the seasons of my life. This is especially vital now, while I'm teetering in a limnal space that has no roadsigns for me. The rituals make the roadsigns for this uncharted territory I'm entering. (menopause, if you're curious, something no woman in my family has done for 3 generations)
But, my faith has no fear in it, because there is nothing to be afraid of.